What if BEING here is the thing?

Some days ago I had the impulse to BE there for two women. Two friends.

One of them is in the middle of a severe cancer treatment (malignt melanom with metastasis) and her aim is to be both in acceptance and fight the disease.

You might know this feeling: A thought comes up, a little like a worm coming up to the surface after rain, and you notice the thought, but don’t really know if you want to pick up the worm.

So I let it be there for some days. And then the thought became more insistent. And I was just about to drop a note, when acting on the thought, made my inner judge cry and say STOP, wait a moment.

So I waited a moment. No. I waited a few days. And then I dropped the not to her.

Carina is a marvelous woman. She is close to 60 years old. She has worked in prisons , locking in people, and then she became a Chinese body therapist, and learned how to release pain, blockages and emotions in bodies (her hands are soo warm, soo soothing). And then she worked on a project with reconciliation between prisoners and their victims and family. A woman I’ve felt dearly connected to the last ten years. We live 600 km apart, and I met her for the first time in years in September, making a podcast interview with her, addressing the fact that she doesn’t know if she will live a year from now.

And my thought was: What if I give Carina the gift of listening to her 30 minutes a week. Just being there for her. And where she can decide what’s going to happen during that half an hour on the phone.

What my inner judge said was: But how can you consider you being on the phone with her 30 minutes a week, you will love to be there with Carina as well.

Well there is some truth to that, isn’t it. So I wrote to her, and said that I wanted to give her this gift of listening to her silence or her sharing, and she could see it as a gift or not, and accepting my idea or not.

And she answered with happiness just a few hours later. There was this yes. She trusts me. She knows I love her. And she knows ”we have something” a bit difficult to put words on.

And just an hour ago, she phoned, and I was there for her. And I loved being there. Not just listening, also being there. Taking her being in. And I feel so grateful for my inner voice giving me this idea. And that I actually acted on it. That I didn’t chicken out.

And I am looking forward to next weeks meeting with her. Where ever her condition has taken her. To me this is something I do as Charlotte, and I melt together with the love warrior. Us being one, for a while.