What if we can get messages from the future?

I am in Stockholm as much as I can now. I am fleeing from my marriage, from being close to my husband. I want to get out, but I don’t know how.
It’s like I am impregnated with fear. How could I support the children? How could I earn enough money? Where would we live? How would he react when I tell him I want a divorce?

And in Stockholm I am on my own. There is a freedom to it. I even hade a lover who I sometimes meet. And I do one of my favorite things. I go to the cinema. I sit in the dark, just loving entering someone else’s world. It’s like being in a womb. It’s safe.

And then I take the subway to the little apartment we have close to the city center. I walk the stairs from the subway up to street level. And then I notice something. It’s like something is missing.

I look around. I look at the buildings. The streets. The people. The traffic. The evening light. The trees. But I don’t find it. It’s a bit like looking at a person and notice a change, but not knowing what change. A haircut? A new beard? Another dress? A new pair of glasses?

And then I have to look inside. Because this void, this emptiness, this missing piece, must be inside. And then I get it. The awareness is like a lightning from a clear sky. I am not afraid. There is a lack of fear in my system. It’s like I am lighter. It’s like I could do anything - even tell my husband I want a divorce, without panicking.

I cross the street with this absence of fear. And I go back to the small apartment. And the fear is still missing. And I go to bed without fear. And I wake up, feeling that the fear is slowly, slowly coming back.

It took about 24 hours before everything was business as usual. The fear was back.

And I talk to one of my mothers best friend. These years we have a very open and strong connection. We share stories from our lives. She is aware of my struggles. I am aware of hears. And she is 25 years my senior.

I tell her about this 24 hour period of freedom. And she says:

– Charlotte, this is a message from your future. There will come a day, when you are not afraid all the time.

And I immediately know that she is right. It’s like time can be seen or experienced in different ways, and sometimes future really wants to tell you something important. And I have to be able to listen, to see it, to take it in.

And I did. I accepted this idea.

So where am I today? I am sort of in that future. I am not afraid all the time. Now I notice when fears come, and I have resources to handle it.

To me parts of life is mystical and magical. And to me it’s vital to embrace that. I guess thats why I became a love warrior.